Guest post by Farnoush Davoudi, mother of an Autistic girl.

Ever felt the urge to snap at someone who says, “You need to take time for self-care?”

If not, great! But if you ever do, read this:

Based on personal experience, I truly believe parents of Autistic kiddos can experience any sort of terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days. Some seasons of life—ranging from a single day to several years —leave zero room for anything that refuels you. No time for a walk, a movie, or a coffee date with a friend. And if you do find a sliver of time, you’re so exhausted that all you want to do is collapse on the couch.

During such overwhelming times, two things are especially unhelpful:

Another task added to your already full plate.
A well-meaning reminder to “take time for self-care”—as if you’re ignorant or lazy.

In 2018, my daughter was going through an incredibly tough time—unable to attend school, with all her educational, therapeutic, and recreational activities on hold. Finding a qualified respite caregiver was impossible, and family and friends weren’t trained to handle her needs. My husband was out of the country, and I had to leave my job to care for her full-time. We couldn’t go anywhere, and no one could visit. Looking back, it felt like a COVID-style lockdown—two years early. Yet, there was no shortage of people who wished they could help—while reminding me how unfortunate it was that I wasn’t taking time for myself.

The Game-Changer

In 2019, things improved slightly, but I still had no time or energy for myself. During spring break, by sheer chance, I attended a self-care workshop for parents of children with special needs.

The speaker’s opening line?
“Everyone says, ‘Take care of yourself—just 15 minutes of yoga or meditation!’ But with my kids, I can’t even find five uninterrupted minutes! And if I do, I’m too exhausted to roll out a mat.”

Wait—someone was speaking my thoughts out loud!

Attending that workshop was a stroke of luck, and I’d like to share what I learned and what actually worked—even in the most impossible situations.

A Practical Form of Self-Care for Parents

Of all types of self-care, mindfulness is very practical. Quick, no-prep mindfulness exercises can be done anywhere and help reset your nervous system without needing extra time. They turn ordinary moments into intentional, comforting ones—no grand effort required.

We can start with some simple ways to practice mindfulness.

Already breathing? Do it intentionally!

Try this simple breathing technique:

Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 seconds
Hold for 2 seconds
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds

Now, fit it into your day:

Take one deep breath before starting any new task—whether it’s answering an email, making a call, or helping your child.
Try the “Waiting Game” Breath—spend just 30 seconds on mindful breathing while waiting in clinic rooms or during school pick-up.

Ground yourself anytime, anywhere through sensory awareness.

In the shower – Feel the warmth of the water, the texture of the soap, and the sound of the droplets.
Eating a snack – Take one slow bite. Notice the taste, texture, and temperature before rushing to the next task.

Mindfully embracing small moments to care for yourself in ways no one else can.

Choose a favorite scent for body wash or soap. Smell it and remind yourself: this is one thing you did for YOU.
Make playlists of your favorite songs and listen while driving instead of random radio chatter. That’s another moment of “you” time every day.

And my very Special recommendation:

Buy your favorite blend of coffee (or tea). I hope you can sit calmly and sip it. But even if you gulp it while rushing kids to school, calling work, and cursing a frozen windshield—remember, you are that person who still drinks their favorite coffee when the rest of the world is falling apart. Next, take an intentional breath and fully immerse yourself in everything you can sense from that coffee! Now, Smile and face the day head-on!

Because self-care isn’t always about setting aside time. It’s about finding tiny ways to bring yourself back to the present moment—even in chaos.

P.S. On November 6, 2020, things were stable enough that I was able to leave my daughter with a highly trained support worker and go for a walk—for the first time since the chaos began in late 2017.