Guest post by Farnoush Davoudi, mother of an Autistic girl.
A parent’s path from obtaining a diagnosis to learning how to live and support an autistic child. Through patience and perseverance, a new strength—and a deeper joy—is discovered. There are no shortcuts, just steady steps forward. If you’re navigating this path, you’re not alone, and yes, you can do this.
When my daughter was first diagnosed with autism, my mom read a book by another mother who shared her journey raising her autistic son. The author described how, after nine years, her son was thriving, and their once-chaotic family life had transformed into a picture of success. My mom took this as a kind of blueprint, convinced that within a similar timeframe, my daughter would not only reach her neurotypical peers but would “surpass” them in cognitive abilities and social skills—and that I, too, would one day be the mom sharing my own inspiring story.
Nearly twelve years later, my daughter is, without a doubt, a shining example of how love, patience, and perseverance can shape a life’s journey in ways that truly matter. However, she is certainly not ahead of her neurotypical peers. Our life and my daughter’s path look very different from what my mom had pictured. However, in one way, she was absolutely right: I have gained experiences that I can now share with others on similar journeys. I, who once felt like the most miserable parent in every clinic waiting room, am now one of the most content, even though my daughter has some of the highest support needs among youth with autism in BC. I share our story hoping to help ease other parents’ paths, even just a little, and to remind them that they’re not alone in this.
I used to take pride in my ability to make accurate predictions, precise estimations, clear vision, and meticulous planning, which rarely failed me—until my daughter’s autism diagnosis arrived and opened the door to an unknown future. Suddenly, the certainty I relied on was gone, replaced by a lack of control, a sense of vulnerability, and endless “what ifs.” I remember the feeling of standing at the edge of something vast and shadowy, unsure of what might come next or whether I was truly prepared for it. I know how much you want to hear about the day when “out came the sun and dried all the rain,” but I’m not here to tell you that story. Because, honestly, you are not going to see any sudden changes. There are no shortcuts, no miraculous turnarounds. Your child won’t “outgrow” autism, and there won’t be an autism-reversing pill at your local pharmacy. There isn’t even a guarantee that “everything is going to be better.” This is the unknown we’re talking about.
The unknown is scary, but it’s also a powerful teacher, shaping who we become as we learn to navigate through it. I learned to be patient and to persevere. Patience means staying calm, accepting delays, and allowing time to do its work without forcing outcomes. It’s the quiet strength to pause, to tolerate uncertainty, and to wait. Patience helps us find peace amid struggles that can’t be solved right away. It’s the ability to let things unfold, trusting that not every step needs immediate action or resolution. On the other hand, perseverance is active. It’s about pushing forward, making consistent efforts, and finding ways to keep going even when the path is hard. Perseverance is the grit to try again, to find new solutions, and to overcome obstacles with determination. It fuels the work, the adjustments, and the courage to continue.
Some days just have a way of piling it on. On those days, remind yourself that it’s the unknown trying to throw you off balance. But you know how to navigate that uncertainty—with patience and perseverance. I got better at it, and you will, too, —that, I can promise, my friend!